bUGLYbLOG

Well, its time. This will be the last entry on the bUGLYbLOG. Thanks for the memories. If you need to reach me, shoot an email over to velvet ‘at’ bugly.com.

If you have 23 seconds to burn, this is the movie for you. Pure genius!!

Congrats to the Oakland Raiders for beating the Browns. I’m not going to lay too much praise for the win since most liken beating the Browns to winning an arm wrestling match against your nephew who’s in 2nd grade. However, with the win we are now 1-2, and quite possibly could be 3-0 since we’ve led late in all three games. But, before I go and talk smack to a Cardinals or Rams fan (sorry Mike), its important to remember that we haven’t exactly played the cream of the crop (I rise to the top - House of Pain baby). Frankly, if you lose to a Kitna lead team (Lions), it’s normally suggested that you quit football altogether. In addition to taking one on the chin from the Lions, we were also able to squeeze in another screw job by the Bronco’s (but we did learn how to screw others as we pulled the same crap on Cleveland that Denver pulled on us). No matter, Shanahans days are coming. It won’t be too much longer. I gotta think his contract with Satan is coming due sometime soon. Anyway, go Raiders! And oh yeah, can someone put out an APB for Jerry Porter? What happended to this guy? Brady Anderson anyone?

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I have a feeling that the collective Buckeye nation will not make an appearance on any of the sports talk shows across the nation for the next few days. Unfortunately, coming in second is worse in the eyes of the average sports fan than not even making it (get ready for the Buffalo Buckeye comments). It is further compounded because the Buckeyes have lost twice now to the same Florida univeristy on the championship stage. Oh well, I think its great. Outside of the Yankees and Lakers, there is no other team I hate more than the Buckeyes. Anyway, this game would have been over with about 10 minutes left if the officials wouldn’t have given Greg Oden a free pass on the defensive end. Don’t get me wrong, Oden was the best player on this night, but come on. He could have fouled out half way through the second half, but that doesn’t make for good t.v. apparently.

Whenever I go to one of those sit down restaurants where you have to get your own soda (i.e. where they just give you an empty cup), I always struggle with choosing a lid. That is because whenever you select a lid, in most cases you have to touch 3 or 4 others. Obviously my problem isn’t with the lids I touch, but the lids others have touched before me. I always picture some guy with lepracy and a bad sinus infection fumbling through the pile of lids minutes before I pick mine out. I think this will one day force me to give up all beverages.

Congrats to the Colts for putting a thumping on the Bears. This game could have been even more lopsided than the Bears victory over the Pats in the 80’s. Also, congrats to Dungy and Manning for getting the monkey off their back. You can scratch “Can’t win the big one” from their resumes. With the congrats out of the way, I am curios as to who votes for the Super Bowl MVP. Rhodes was robbed. Heck, Addai would have even been a better choice here (yes, I realize he had a fumble, but he also had over 150 all purpose yards - leading the Colts in receptions). Manning isn’t a horrible choice, but come on, Rhodes made big run after bug run. Besides, haven’t we showered Peyton with enough awards thus far in his career.

I have to hate Rex by default for being a Gator, but I actually felt bad for the dude. He played terrible. He turned a 2nd and 1 to a 4th and 28 all by himself. He threw two bad picks and couldn’t handle the center to QB exchange. With that said, Rex didn’t hide at the end of the game and stood there fielding some asinine questions from the media. Give the dude a break. As I am writing this, Steve Young is piling on as well. Jackass.

Overrated does not do you justice. You play in a horse crap conference, you play a horse crap schedule, and you have a horse crap coach (the vest makes Hal Mumme look conservative). Not really much more to say here.

I would also like to thank ESPN for their horse crap coverage of college football. Believe it or not, there are other conferences than the Big Ten. Stop. Before you even think about it, Notre Dame sucks too. No joke, I watched the Sugar Bowl and I am almost certain Charlie Weiss ate his offensive coordinator half way through the first half. Watch the replay. It was either Michael Haywood or a line judge, I can’t be too sure. Also, late in the second half he appeared to be eyeing one of the ball boys.

The BCS sucks as well. However, I can’t complain too much because I’m pretty sure the flunkies up in Bristol would have found a way to crown Wisconsin as the National Champs without it.

Enjoy the off season.

I have a suggestion/request for the fine folks over at EA sports. I would like you to re-release Madden 1993 for the Xbox (and the PS, PS2, PS3, and the Wii). I have no idea what goes into game design, but I don’t think I am asking for much. Just update the rosters and slightly sharpen the graphics, but leave the game play alone. I will buy this. I am certain that I will not be alone in this purchase. This is the game I cut my teeth on. There is no sports game, past or present, that in my opinion is more fun than Madden on an old Sega Genesis (nod to EA sports NHL Hockey on the same console). Do it. Please. Oh yeah, don’t forget to have Bo Jackson on one of the classic teams. Would there be anything more cool than having Bo Jackson’s Raiders play Michael Vick’s Falcons on the classic version of Madden’s? I submit that there is not.

Oh yeah, don’t even think about leaving out the ambulance that would drive on the field to pick up injured players. And if somehow you actually consider fulfilling my request, give us a stat mode. I can pretty much guarantee Bo will annihilate any and all rushing records that exist today.

If you do this I will pledge to also buy one of those horse crap games you currently push and no one buys (Streets Football, Streets Basketball, Streets Soccer). Hell, I’ve already supported that crap you call Arena football (you should be embarrassed for that piece of garbage - I would honestly rather rake leaves than play this game).

This Christmas I got a knife made by the Colonel Littleton company in Lynnville Tennessee (Population 327 - between Chattanooga and Nashville off of I-24 I think). The knife I received was a No. 2 Foxfire knife. Per the description listed on the Colonel Littleton website, the knife is three inches long, has a bone handle, stainless steel blade, and solid brass bolsters. Its well made and makes a great pocket knife. Each knife comes packaged in a brown cardboard box which includes a leather inlay and a small brochure that includes the Colonel Littleton story. I have carried small Case and Gerber pocket knives in the past, and this one isn’t much different from those. However, it does feel good to support a Tennessee company and the knives are pretty damn cool.

I don’t know anyone who’s gotten knifed before. Does that happen anymore? It seems like all I hear about is either people getting a gun pulled on ‘em or people getting the crap kicked out of ‘em. I wonder if criminals who are handy with a knife get pissed by the lack of exposure. They can still take comfort that they aren’t one of those the throwing star guys. Talk about a useless skill.

The Raiders have secured the number one pick (Thank you Detroit) and the Bronco’s missed the playoffs - Merry Xmas and Happy New Year to me. Now, the only thing that could make this any better would be a guarantee that Brady Quinn will be a great NFL quarterback.

How bout them Vols? Once again we were able to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Another costly fumble coupled with four quarters of sloppy play on the offensive side of the ball sealed our fate. Does anyone think this years team is any better than last years? We finished 9-4, but if not for a sensational defensive stop on a two point conversion against Air Force and a nice stand against Kentucky late in the game, we could have finished 7-6. I have to say Eric has looked alot, and I mean alot better than last year, but without a running game, he can only do so much. No lead is safe when you can’t milk the clock. Before we open up the purse strings, and I say we because the fans are who ulitmately pays, lets see if Cutcliff can fix the running game.

I went to Atlanta to see the Hawks participate (in my opinion they didn’t play) in a game with the Cavs on the 27th. Pretty much this was a home game for Cleveland and Lebron - Ridiculous. The highlight of my trip was not watching a passionless Hawks squad (minus an injured Josh Smith - the only Hawk I care to see play) get mauled by what appeared to be a mediocre Cavs team, but was seeing the human highlight reel, Dominique Wilkins, in the Lennox mall the following day. Why this guy is not in the hall is borderline criminal. Great Arena though!

2 Hawks Tickets (section 109): $120

Pretzel and Coke: $8

Hawks t-shirt: $25

Clevelands Anderson Varejao being compared to Sideshow Bob from the Simpsons on the jumbotron while he unknowingly walked back on the court scratching his butt: Priceless.

During this holiday season if you find yourself about to blow a gasket on someone, instead of unleashing a diatribe of curse words and obscene finger gestures, consider calling them a butthole. I am bringing butthole back baby! Honestly, it’ll make you feel better. When you call someone a butthole, I think it does two things. First, it conveys that you think the person is a jerk or what they did was jerky. However, its tone communicates that you do not wish them to die. Secondly, calling someone a butthole may actually assist in calming the jerk down. Lets be honest, if you get called a butthole, at least some level of your subconscience will return to your childhood playground days. Instead of punching the person in the noggin, you’ll either cry, stomp off, or laugh. This is all part of my five year plan to clean up America’s collective mouth. This year its “butthole”, next year its “stupid head” or “doo-doo head”.

I think I am basically the same person I was in 9th grade. Is that weird? If it is then I will accept being a weirdo. The photo to the left was taken at my 9th grade formal many many years ago. I have to admit that this is one of my all time favorite pictures. I’ll go ahead and tell you that I am the one with the top hat and cane (I can’t understand why my date didn’t want to be in the picture - hiya Anna Generoso :)). What makes this photo special? Well, for one, my buddy Jack is in it. I don’t get to talk to Jack that often anymore but from junior high through college we pretty much hung out all the time. The best thing about Jack was that he never let the potential consequences of anything we did get in the way of fun (too many examples to list). I think any of Jack’s friends will attest to that. I also know that if I needed a favor I could call Jack and he’d be there. In the second row, farthest to the right is Zane. Zane used to give me a ride to and from school in a hideous brown Toyota station wagon (Hey, its the truth, it was butt ugly. But I couldn’t drive so you better believe I was jealous). He was an artist, could pick the ole six string, and was a skate boarding daredevil (was it off Valley Forge Dr. where you cracked your skull open?). Julie is standing to the left of Zane. In 9th grade I took hyper to a new level. Julie was the anti-me. She was cool as a cucumber and not too hard on the eyes. Joel and Kevin are to the left of Julie. Joel shaved his eyebrows off in ninth grade for fun and Kevin brought a remote controlled fart machine to our 10 year class reunion. That pretty much makes them all stars in my book. Finally, farthest to the left is a chick named Anne. She was my favorite. I married her.

How long will it be before a virus surfaces that attempts to invalidate installations of the Microsoft XP or Vista operating systems? Imagine the headache if an enterprise with thousands of Windows devices deployed got nailed with such a virus. This would result essentially in a quasi denial of service condition (more like an service annoyance condition). I’ve had to call Microsoft before to get a new key and although its not too terribly painful, its still kind of a nuisance because it requires that you converse with another party (it’s not automated in any shape form or fashion). And, as I recall, I even had to provide some information on the device I was doing the reinstall on. Not a huge deal for one machine, but what if you were responsible for getting new keys for thousands.

Apparently Charlie Weiss isn’t happy about being jumped in the BCS after his team won. Here are his comments:

“One of the teams [Tennessee] that jumped us had the same game that we had. They’re down, they’re playing at home and they win by a field goal,” Weis said Tuesday. “Another team [Florida] that jumped us wasn’t even playing. They were home eating cheeseburgers and they end up jumping us. That befuddles me.”

Let me be the first to say, it’s about freakin time. Notre Dame has always gotten preferential treatment when it comes to this kind of crap. Hell, I figure that as long as they go five hundred they’ll be in the BCS. As far as Tennessee shafting Notre Dame, what about the 1956 Heisman? Paul Hornoung won it over UT’s Johnny Majors while leading the Irish to a 2-8 season. That’s worse than the ESPN jacking of the Heisman from Peyton. As far as the Florida comment, Florida would absolutely crush the Irish. The Gators would only have to stop the Irish once, because Notre Dames “D” can’t stop anyone

Weiss = Whinner, not a winner.

Honestly, the current BCS standings mean nothing right now. California jumped Tennessee and we pounded the Bears (pounded - could have dropped 50 on them but we called the dogs off). The reason I’m not really complaining is that there is plenty of time for teams to seperate themselves from the pack. Ohio State still has to play Michigan, Tennessee still has to play LSU, at South Carolina, and at Arkansas, and Notre Dame still has to play USC. So quit your crying and eating (I think its fair to say you’ve been doing alot of both). I’m glad Notre Dame gave you a ten year extension because it probably means the Irish won’t be challenging for the title for a while. Think about it, what has he done that Ty didn’t do?

Every time a Tag body spray commercial comes on while I’m watching tv I feel like a major jackass. It just makes me rethink whether or not I should be watching what I am watching because apparently the people over at Tag think that because I am watching what I’m watching I would be interested in buying their garbage. Got that? Pretty wordy. I was thinking about cutting my ties with the “Gilmore Girls” anyway, so you folks at Tag will have to peddle your lust lotion somewhere else.

P.S. Saw the Kevin Bacon/Michael Jordan Hanes commerical again tonight. I’m dyin here. Someone needs to talk to Jordan about this crap. What’s next, Emmitt Smith on Dancing with the Stars? I’ll be honest, I had to write Jerry Rice off last year because of this type of behavior (bold words since he’s an ex Raider). He’s pretty much dead to me at this point. Emmitt already had two strikes with me because he played for the freakin Gators and Cowboys. This “Dancing..” involvement has pretty much completed the trifecta of him being a sucka.

P.P.S. Isn’t A.C. Slater doing the Dancing with the Stars thing to? I think I heard that he is romantically involved with the chick he got partnered with. Word of advice for the chick - this guy cheated on his first wife the night before his wedding. By the way, whats the deal with the “Saved by the Bell” cast. I am not going to elaborate, but Zack probably should have picked better friends or at least stopped with Lisa Turtle.

.

Dres, D-R-E-S, yes I get suckers start,
If it’s all right with you, I’ll rip this here one apart,
Back, Middle, to the front, don’t front,
Wanna a good time, gonna give you what you want

Anyone remember Black Sheep? I have to admit, I used to wear out their first album. DRES and Mr. Lawnge got heavy rotation in the ole Sprint (Yeah, I used to drive a 3 cylinder Chevy Sprint - a story for another day). Most have probably heard “The Choice is Yours” as it got lots of play on MTV back in the day, but the rest of the “A Wolf in Sheeps Clothing” album was pretty good. I think my favorite cut on the album was “Similak Child” (A 180 from “The Choice is Yours”, very mellow, love the dogs barking in the beginning), but “Black with N.V.” was also right up there. Why am I rehashing some dated rap favorite of mine you ask? Well, DRES and Mr. Lawnge are back. Talk about a long absense. Honestly, there are very few musicians, especially rap musicians, that I listened to back in the mid nineties that I would get fired up about today if they were to make a comeback. However, I always thought artistically Black Sheep was a step above some of their counterparts. I mean, how good is:

From the time that she was born,
She was raised to be all that,
Gave her no food,
Purely Similak.

I must say however, I have grown tired of the explicit lyrics. Call me a fuddy duddy or whatever, but I think it shows a lack of creativity and seems like a type of sell out. Anyway, I did download (iTunes) the “Whoodat” single (the clean version) from the new album and think its a great song. Sounds like classic Black Sheep. Anyway, if you’ve never heard of them, at least check out some of the songs I’ve mentioned above.

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So, I was looking at a book that I found on the floor of my house this weekend. This book was a infants book. Each of its ten pages had a picture of something with its name below it. For instance, one page had a picture of a duck with “duck” written below it. Are we all following? Here’s what I thought was kinda strange. The first inside page had a picture of a dog and the second page had a picture of a house. Saying them together you get dog house obviously. The fourth and fifth pages had a bird and a ship respectively. Is there some sort of hijinks here? Bird Ship. Im tired.

I was at a high school football game this past Friday and heard some guy in the press box utter these words:

“If anyone has some Redman chewing tobacco, come on up to the press box. Ground Hog is willing to pay good money for it.”

Yes, I live in Tennessee.

I’ve always wondered if the competitive eating contents organizers have dudes who can do the Heimlich Maneuver hanging out on the sidelines. If someones going to choke, its going to happen at one of these events. If they do, I wonder if they draw straws to see who has to do it on the big fella’s. I probably wouldn’t care who I had to give the Heimlich as long as I could get my arms around them. Now, if the person had to get CPR or something, then thats another situation all together.

This brings me to another question though. Why is it called the Heimlich Maneuver? How many other medical procedures have the word maneuver included in their title? Shouldn’t including maneuver in the name be reserved for the military or something requiring strategy or tactics? I bet along time ago some doctor got hacked off over a general calling a military exercise an operation and decided to get even.

Well, I did it. I consumed 23 Dr. Peppers in less than a month. To the victor, go the spoils. The Dr. sent me this nice collection of goodies in acknowledgment of my achievement. Right after this picture was taken, I put the shirt on. No joke, right after. Honestly, seconds after this picture was taken I put on the shirt. I plan on going to the mall this afternoon and showing it off. In case you’re asking, its not for sale. Yeah, I’m talking to you Reese, its not for sale.

Yes, I have an addiciton. As you can see in the picture to the left, I collect figures. I know what you are thinking and the answer is no, I don’t live in my moms basement. However a counterpoint to that is that I do look a little pasty right now - almost post space camp in appearance. I blame that more on my couterpart noted in the previous entry (see below - I haven’t got out a whole lot lately). Anyway, just sharing. Nothing more to see here folks. Move along.

I’ve had a little trouble finding the time to update the bUGLYbLOG lately. Here is the reason why. I’m wearing the Chocolate Chip Vans I got last year, and the little one is sporting some blue and white checkboard Vans that he got this year

I’ve sunk to a new low. I too want to be the top Google entry for the misspelled Matthew Mconahey search. I am ashamed and embarrassed - similar to how Matthew Mconahey felt after posing for this picture. I don’t think David Wooderson or Ed Pekurny woulda posed for this. Right Said Fred, maybe, but not David Wooderson. Anyway, I’m not proud of this, nor am I proud of what started it. And I am definitely not proud of this (Teddy from Just-Teddy.com with no shirt on). And I most certainly won’t be happy about this (excert from CaptainDudes Blog ):

P.S. Should this disgusting turn of events cause me to remove my shirt I will call upon the photographic talents of the VelvetMantis. This should ensure which way he votes.

Sorry, I just threw up. Oh well, it is on. (I just threw up one more time as a result of using that phrase). As Mconahey said in some movie about something, “No computer, no gadget, no trickery. I am an animal, it is a plant. I will beat the weed!”. Teddy and the Dude, you guys are the weeds. It is important to note that just by participating in this crap, I am reminded of another Mconahey quote. “I thought this was a great story about a winner who starts losing” - Its safe to say that whoever wins this may also lose….

Gritfoot (grit ‘ foot’) - 1. A member of the yeti family which is predominantly found in the Southern United States. Also see gritfeet.

I love football, I do. My fall weekends begin with seeing high school football on Friday night, going to Vol football games on Saturday, and watching my Raiders on Sunday. I am a fan. However, its safe to say I would rather mow my yard than play EA Sports new Head Coach football game. I can’t see that this would be fun in the slightest. Here are five things that I think would be more fun than playing this game:

1) Play EA Sports Arena Football - this game sucks to the tenth power. Whoever thought about making a game where the linebacker gets penalized if he leaves a slittle square is an idiot (An idiot who suckered me outta 20 bucks).

2) Watch my neighbors dog walk around his yard with one of those lampshade collars on. I think they actually look more like those amplifiers on old record players. I once knew a dude who..sorry, I digress…

3) Stick coins in my nostrils.

4) Use 39 one cent stamps on my cable bill.

5) Hear about my buddy Captain Dudes recent haircut.

Here are five games I would like to see EA release in the near future:

1) Golf Caddy 2007

2) Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show Simulator

3) Cornhole Cage Match - Not the office space reference - check out www.playcornhole.org (maybe suitable for work, maybe not - live a little, take a chance, you know you want to………weirdo)

4) Wiffle Ball Streets - I actually want this game. I pretty much rule at Wiffle Ball. I think its safe to say that I am as good at Wiffle Ball as my friend Teddy is at eating.

5) NCAA Womens Lacross

Five things that would make this world better….

1). Restaurants to add Cream Soda to their list of beverages.

2). NBA officials to call each and every walk.

3). All mesh lining to be removed from the inside of swimming trunks.

4). Teddy from Just-Teddy to be required to wear a shirt at all times while on the job.

5). Vending machine operators to pay $1,000,000 fine for stocking stale pop tarts in their machines.

*****REPOST*****I would love to get this story published as a childrens book. If anyone would assist with the artwork I would like to get a few printed via lulu.com or something. I just think it would be neat. If you are interested, please shoot me an email at velvet at bugly.com. *******REPOST*******

I have a real knack for writing childrens stories. This is one I plan to submit to the Little Golden Books publishing company. “Todd and the Space People” One night while looking out his bedroom window, Todd saw a small blue spaceship land in the woods behind his house. Immediatley Todd got up and decided he wanted to go get a closer look. Figuring that a long trip would make anyone hungry, Todd gathered some food from the kitchen cupboard to bring to the space people. He put one jar of peanut butter, one jar of jelly, and a loaf of bread in a paper bag and ran out the back door and into the woods. Todd slowly walked up to the small blue spaceship so as not to scare the space people. Once Todd got close to the door on the spaceship, it opened and three strange creatures came out. The strange creatures were like nothing Todd had ever seen. They were yellow and had three legs, one arm, and their heads were square with an eye in the middle. The tall one had a red eye, the short one had a brown eye, and the middle one had a black eye. The tall one reached out and shook Todd’s hand while the other two unloaded a few items from the space ship. Todd was really happy when the space people began to sing and dance. Upon hearing all the noise from the woods, many of Todd’s neighbors became scared. Several of the men got together and decided to go and see what was causing the raucous . Todd saw the men approaching the space people. He could tell they were angry and scared. The space people stopped singing and dancing because they were also terribly frightened. Todd explained to his neighbors that the space people were harmless. At that moment the space people began to sing and dance again. Todd’s neighbors joined in the fun too! After several hours of singing and dancing, one by one Todd’s neighbors left until he was once again alone with the space people. “What a night I’ve had” Todd thought to himself. Todd then prepared to say his goodbyes. Todd told the space people goodnight and wished them a a safe journey back home. As Todd turned to walk away, the tall one grabbed his hand while the other two grabbed his legs. The space people then barbecued Todd. The short one made a handbag out of skin taken from Todd’s Torso. The End.

I love marketing. Specifically, I am a big fan of how goods are packaged - the design. Anyway, I am of the opinion that the guys who developed the packaging for Jones Soda beverages are geniuses. Soda’s come and go, with the exception of the major players like Coke, Pepsi, and Dr. Pepper. So, the fact that Jones has made it to this point is pretty impressive. Honestly, I have no idea how they are actually doing financially, but the fact that you can still get them at Panera and Target must mean something is working. Anyway, the packaging is great. Even though photos dominate their drinks labels, I think most of us could pick their logo out of a beverage logo lineup (They’re all twix). The different photos work though, and I especially like the various messages and drawings that can be found on the under side of the bottle cap.

Here are ten songs I listened to today that pretty much rule…

10) The Hardest Way to Make and Easy Living - The Streets
9) Magic Johnson - Red Hot Chili Peppers
Castles Made of Sand - Jimi
7) Gratitude - Beastie Boys
6) Saint Simon - The Shins
5) Five String Serenade - Mazzy Star
4) Herbals in Your Mouth - 3rd Bass
3) Under Pressue - Queen
2) The Negotiation Limerick File - Beastie Boys
1) Right Now - Fort Minor

Me and Teddy from Just-Teddy.com went to lunch the other day with a buddy of ours. I have known Ted for about three years now and nothing he does or says really surprises me anymore (I don’t mean anything bad by that, he’s just an open book). Honestly, if we were hanging out and a monkey flew out his butt I probably wouldn’t bat an eye lash. However, Ted did something the other day that actually did suprise me. After lunch at Mcallisters in Turkey Creek, our small posse decided to walk to the pet store across the parking lot so Ted could get himself some sort of chew toy for his new German Shepard. Anyway, fast forwarding a bit, when we were leaving the pet store I noticed Ted no longer had the Gargantuan drink his Tankass had when we first walked in. When queried about the said drink, Ted replied that he had left it on a shelf in the aisle we just departed. He continued to say that thats what the folks who work there get paid to do. I have nothing really else to add to the story, but I’m kinda curious about how many of you drink dumpers are out there? Is pop chucking a unique activity practiced only by TD?

Hey, I’ve got a Magic Johnson.

(10:59:17) VelvetMantis: good game last night, eh
(10:59:27) Teddy: wow
(10:59:34) Teddy: i almost stroked out from yelling
(11:00:47) Teddy: did you watch it
(11:01:26) VelvetMantis: yep..vince was awesome
(11:01:54) Teddy: did you see matthew mconahey, i know that isn’t correct
(11:01:58) Teddy: he was happy on the sideline
(11:02:54) Teddy: will ferrel was in the stands
(11:02:57) Teddy: so was fonzie
(11:03:00) VelvetMantis: lol
(11:03:03) Teddy: and the man from desperate housewives
(11:07:04) VelvetMantis: to be honest, i was just hoping to talk about the game. I didn’t realize I was chatting with my wife.
(11:07:20) Teddy: ass
(11:07:22) Teddy: Ninjutsu Classes are held every Mon., 7-8pm, at the Rose Center in Morristown. $50 a month, new students are accepted, if they’re willing to bow to their sensei. Call xxx-xxx-xxxx.
(11:07:36) Teddy: i have to go see this
(11:07:41) Teddy: ninja classes
(11:07:55) Teddy: come with me
(11:08:00) Teddy: video me challenging one of the instructors
(11:08:04) VelvetMantis: i am going to wear the outfit, day 1
(11:08:11) Teddy: outfit?
(11:08:15) VelvetMantis: and bring ninja stars
(11:08:22) Teddy: tabi boots, hood and mask
(11:08:29) VelvetMantis: and smoke bombs
(11:08:32) Teddy: with black gi
(11:08:36) VelvetMantis: true dat
(11:08:50) VelvetMantis: ask em to call me storm shadow
(11:09:00) Teddy: yes
(11:09:05) Teddy: let’s have nicknames
(11:09:15) VelvetMantis: you can be ice mist
(11:09:29) VelvetMantis: or hand of death

In the past I would buy an Oreilly book whenever I needed a technical reference. However, lately I have been impressed with the books from Peachpit Press . Currently I am trying to build something with PHP and MySQL and have been pleased with the Visual QuickPro guide authored by Larry Ullman (although I’m not sure what he means by “I Bent my Wookie”). Try one of their books sometime…

I predict Steve Mcnair will be the quarterback for the Raiders next year. Just a hunch. I know nothing about the salary cap on either side, but I am almost certain Collins will be gone. I also don’t believe the Raiders want to turn the team over to a rookie QB with Moss and Porter under contract. If I had my wish though, Vince Young would be throwing for the Oakland. Heck, as long as I’m wishing, I’d like San Diego to trade the Raiders Mr. Rivers for Warren Sapp, straight up.

Here’s another one of my favorites, Eddie (a Minmate creation) from Iron Maiden’s Powerslave album. I gotta say this though, this little guy doesn’t really do Eddie justice. I would have chosen the Eddie from Killers or Maiden Japan to do a figure. If you don’t like the toy, you should at least check out some Maiden albums. Killers is probably my favorite, but Piece of Mind and Powerslave are pretty darn good as well. I stopped listening after Somewhere in Time, but there may be some good stuff after that as well. Nothing was more cool in 7th grade than Iron Maiden buttons on your jeans jacket.

I am a fan of block figures. Don’t ask me why, but I just like having a few around my desk when I work. I ussually bring one with me to the poker table as well. This fella is a Qee and was designed by a guy in Iowa I believe. From what I can gather, the people at Qee release new designs of the same figures throughout the year, which I think is interesting. Per the artists description of this figure - “The Anasazi people left distinctive petroglpyh and pictographs on rock walls throughout their territories”. Anyway, I thought it was pretty cool. Other good block figure folks I like include Kubricks, Minimates, and Biddies. Stop by Qeester and check out the gallery.

Well, I went to Bi-Lo this afternoon to get some milk. While I was there I saw they had some cereal I like on special, two for the price of one for Bonuscard members. Well, being a Bonuscard owner, I snatched the cereal, got my milk, and headed to the check-out counter. However, because I had forgotten my card, the cashier wouldn’t give me the discount. I asked her to enter my phone number, but she said it wasn’t valid and gave me a blank stare. So, I left with my groceries and a receipt that said I could have saved $3.20 if I was a Bonuscard member. I was a little hacked off. To add further fuel to the fire, the check-out counter chick had an attitude. Anyway, I sent Bi-Lo an email to see if they care. Any comments received will be posted.

I finally got around to reading Mark Russinovichs blog entry on Sony’s rootkit. First and foremost, its a great read and my hat is off to Mark. I highly recommend reading it if you are at all interested in computer security. If you can’t read or don’t want to, check out Steve Gibson’s Security Now podcast on the subject. I don’t want to go into a long diatribe about how wrong Sony was in including this rootkit malware on a number of their compact discs, as that point has been beat to death. I have an entirely different perspective to share. Taking nothing away from Mark, but I believe someone probably found out about this rootkit long before he did. However, this individual realized that if he (or she) went public with the finding, everyone would know that the person listens to some major league crap. Mark got the rootkit via a Van Zant cd. On one hand I give Mark a huge thumbs up for finding it because my guess is that if he hadn’t, by this time next year the number of cd’s with this malware included would be fivefold the number affected today. On the other hand I gotta give him a thumbs way down for his choice in music. Have you seen Van Zant? The denim industry should be sueing these guys. In all seriousness, if you own any of the cd’s included on the list (Ricky Martin, Celine Dion, Neal Diamon to name a few), you probably deserve the rootkit.

I ate at the Cracker Barrel for lunch today. It is my opinion that no matter the location, the food at the Barrel will taste the same, and for me its always good. I am a breakfast kinda person. I always get something with eggs, bacon, and of course, some of the hashbrown caserole. I have one issue with the Barrel though and it concerns the pay process. I am a debit card user by nature, I rarely carry cash. The problem is that you eat in their dining area but pay outside in the gift shop. Therefore, because I carry no cash, I fear that my waiter or waitress will think that I’ve stiffed them even though I always leave a tip at the register (tacked onto the debit receipt). It doesn’t end there. As I leave I worry that later that day or week the waiter or waitress will see me out somewhere and cut my tires or key my car to pay me back for my perceived lacked of genorosity. I am also scared of the old people that eat there.

“I hope you know that this will go down on your permenent record
oh yea
well don’t get so distressed
did I happen to mention that i’m impressed”

I have seen the future my friends, I have seen the future. You can forget your griddle cakes delivered with lemonade smiles. You can say goodbye to your Dutch Mantells and the Dirty White Boys. And there ain’t no more Thrifty Nickel. Its all damn robots and Walmarts. I was at the grocery store this weekend and decided to use the future - the self scan. Tell me this my friend, what the hell is the guy at the self scan good for? Something tells me his job isn’t to walk around, look like a jackass, and hassle the baggers. But that apparently is what he does. Where was the self scan guy when my Capn Crunch wouldn’t ring up? He was playin grab ass with the grand marshall of the buggy parade. I woulda been there all day if I wanted to pay with a check, or wanted to buy some chaw. The future can keep their false promises and R2dipsh1t$ and I’ll keep biting my tongue every time joe “rookie debit card user” has a brain freeze while entering his PIN.

We are 0-3 and this Raider fan has had enough. Here is my postcard to Al Davis, owner of the Raiders.

At least I’m not a 49ers fan…

It’s 12:31 and I just ate one of ConAgra Foods fine beef snacks - the dependable Slim Jim. While enjoying the delicious chopped and formed beef snack, I read the ingredients. My Slim Jim had some Sodium Nitrate in it. Doing a simple google search I found the following about Sodium Nitrate:

DANGER! STRONG OXIDIZER. CONTACT WITH OTHER MATERIAL MAY CAUSE FIRE. HARMFUL IF SWALLOWED OR INHALED. MAY CAUSE IRRITATION TO SKIN, EYES, AND RESPIRATORY TRACT.

I also found that Sodum Nitrate is referred to as soda niter and chile saltpeter. If I had to have a nickname I wouldn’t want it to include the word peter. I bet Sodium Nitrate was pissed.

I prefer my beef snacks to be saltpeterless.

In leiu of last months hurricane Katrina disaster, President Bush contacted French President Jacques Chirac earlier today requesting a refund for the 1803 purchase of Louisiana. Chirac, known as a stern negotiator, advised that without a receipt France could only offer gift certificates of unspecified amounts for Michelin tires.

In related news, Spains National Assembley formed a special committee last week to review the Treaty of San Ildefonso in preparation for any possible French shifting of liability for the disaster.

So I went to the Knoxville sports hall of fame banquet tonight where Lou Holtz was the guest speaker. I gotta say, Lou motivated me. Two things from his speech really hit home. One, he said if you didn’t make it home tonight, would anyone miss you and why? Basically, are you living for yourself or do you make an impact where you mean something to someone? That’s the type of question that makes you take a long look at yourself. All I could come up with was that I think I am pretty nice to gas station attendants. Does that count? The other impact point Lou made was four fold. He said he lives each day making sure he has something to do, has someone to love, has something to believe in, and has something to hope for. Pretty cool eh?

The coolest part of the event was that the proceeds are going to the area Boys and Girls Clubs. This year they sold a record number of tickets - something like 1400 @ $125 a pop. I’m a product of the Oak Ridge Boys Club (don’t hold it against them) and sitting in the audience tonight made me think about some good times I have had there. My first year of Boys Club tee-ball I passed out in right field during one of our games. That taught me about dehydration. My first year of Boys Club basketball I learned that my mom (all 4 feet 10 of her) would never require a bull horn to make herself heard. Not sure what that taught me, but I love my mom and she’s been begging me to put her in the blog (ain’t that right ma?). In my first Boys Club baseball game the opposing pitcher hit the first two batters and then proceeded to plunk me. That taught me that I am scared of the ball and that a snow cone doesn’t make up for getting hit in the kidney. The Boys Club enabled me to learn how to play pool, ping-pong, bumper pool, wiffle ball, air hockey, fooseball, and a game associated with farting on your buddies head when he ties his shoes. I also learned that even though I may have been interested in some of the activities in the Boys Club art room, it was in my best interest and personal safety not to pursue them. And finally, whenever I got a bad report card, the Boys Club was always a good place to go and temporarily forget about the scolding I would undoubtedly receive when I finally made it home.

I wonder if people who knew Timothy pretty well would ever refer to 1 Timothy as 1 Tim or 1 Timmy.

Shoe woman loses custody of kids to state.

The butcher, baker, and candlestick maker move to San Fransisco.

The second leg of the ten week Bugly golf tour was completed this past Saturday. The majestic Lambert Acres golf resort in lovely Maryville hosted this weeks nine. Bottomline, after winning the first leg last week I felt that I needed to let someone else get a victory - I am pretty much a great person. With that said, I tanked it big time. Koncak, with a strong showing, moved into a tie for first place with me (Golf only, I am still much better looking and smarter). Here are the results:

Koncak: 55 (skins winner)
Hasty: 56 (skins loser)
Grease: H (yes, he scored a letter H)
Velvet: Sideways 8 (otherwise known as infinity)

Here is a iPod iTalk highlight of the winner, Koncak. Also, here is a highlight of a discussion that took place in one of the more tense moments of Saturdays competition.

Audio highlights best heard using Quicktime.

Last Friday the 2005 Bugly golf season kicked off. Here are the results for this years first 9 (yes 9):

Koncak 54 (4 skins)
Velvet Mantis 55 (5 skins - Winner)
Hasty 60 (1 skin)
Grease 61 (2 skins)

After we completed hole five, I used my iPod iTalk for a little current events trivia. Here is the highlight of that conversation. The guy coughing is Grease trying to give Hasty a hint.

I’ve moved to wordpress. It’s not that I did’nt like moveabletype, its just I got bored. Customization to take place over the next few days….
velvet