bUGLYbLOG

The NBA All Hands Teams were introduced this week. First, I want to congratulate Josh Smith for making the third team. I beg of you Atlanta, please do not trade this guy. The first team consisted of Nash - G (7.74), Kidd -G (7.65), Ben Wallace - C (6.20), Duncan - F (4.80), and Garnett - F (4.06). The stats don’t lie, these guys are good. For all those folks who may have written Ben off when he left Detroit, he is still the man. Anyway, I thought it would be fun to see the numbers on some of the past NBA greats. I used career numbers instead of those from just one season.

First, the formula for the All Hands team.

Giveaways (average assists minus average turnovers) + Takeaways (average steals plus average blocked shots) + Finesse (average offensive rebounds minus average personal fouls) = X

Here is how the all time greats stack up:

First, Michael Jordan - G: (GA) 1.08 + (TA) 3.17 + (F) -1.04 = 3.21

Magic Johnson - G: (GA) 3.04 + (TA) 2.31 + (F) -.5 = 4.85

John Koncak - C: (GA) .21 + (TA) 1.69 + (F) -1.80 = .10

Moses Malone - F: (GA) -1.46 + (TA) 2.11 + (F) 2.75 = 3.40 (Moses was a man on the offensive glass)

Larry Bird - F: (GA) 3.16 + (TA) 2.57 + (F) -.59 = 5.14

Looking at the metrics which make up the final number, I think they need another category for Shooting guards. Otherwise Jordan never would have made it and current players like Carter, McGrady, and Kobe are going to have one hell of a time making the list. Wade being on the list is pretty impressive, since he is more like a shooting guard than a point. I wonder how Dwayne Shintzius woulda measured up?

Oh yeah - Go Vols! Beating Kentucky with the former all galaxy Vol forward Bernard King in the house.

It is fair to say that I was pretty much the opposite of “right on” with my 2005 NBA Draft predictions. However, I ain’t going to let it keep me down. I mean, lets be honest, most of my visitors could give a crap about basketball (does most imply that there are more than 0 visitors?). I am guessing that if you somehow wind up here its because you either a) were expecting porn or b) mistyped the url you were attempting to visit. Anyway, on to the draft coverage.

Adam Morrison was selected at number 3.

Thats basically it. This draft was about as exciting as a bag of corn. To be honest, I had some pretty good corn yesterday (part of my first “low country broil” experience) so I might be slighting corn a bit in that comparison.

First off, thanks Atlanta (5th pick). Nothing against Sheldon Williams, but its just a boring pick. It felt like a “debbie downer” moment when Stern announced our selection. I just can’t get excited rebounds and post play. It’s like your favorite football team selecting an offensive lineman in the first round. Give me some excitement. Too bad it isn’t 1987, 1998, 2003 (5th picks 1987 - Scottie Pippen, 1998 - Vince Carter, 2005 - Dwayne Wade). Hopefully its not like the 1985 draft (Hawks 5th pick - John Koncak) Upside: Can make the name “Hen Slod” out of his first name. Downside: Will have to get used to losing.

The Knicks selected Renaldo Balkman with their first pick. As an SEC basketball fan, I got to see this guy play a few times. He’s good, but he’s not gonna save I.T.’s job. Someone on ESPN said Balkman’s a combo of Dennis Rodman and Ron Artest. That is exactly what the Knicks need - another character guys. With that said, the comparison wasn’t based, I don’t believe, on his character or lack there of, but on his effort. He is an effort guy, no doubt about it. But I can’t see a guy who averaged 10 points a game turn around a franchise in the state of demise the Knicks are currently experiencing. With guys like “Scarbury” and “Don’t call me Francis” firing up bricks, he will have plenty of chances to do his best Rodman impersonation. Upside: Will immediately improve the hair quality of the Knicks. Downside: Selected by the Knicks.

The Knicks second pick was Marty Collins of Temple. Long pause. I have no idea who this guy is, but judging by Spike Lee’s reaction, I’m guessing he’s no Willis Reed. Greg Anthony and Stephen A. Smith said he was a good pick at 29, so who knows. Upside: ??? Downside: His name is Marty.

The Suns traded their pick for cash. Pure genius. Probably the best decision made the entire night. Captain Obvious says that this entire draft sucks and the Suns would have accepted a bag of corn for the rights to their pick.

The Blazers at 30 picked Joel Freeland - 6′10 - England. Downside: Sucks at Basketball. Upside: Possibly good at Canasta.

Oh yeah, forgot to mention Andrea Bargnani - the 6′10 center from Italy who went numero uno. Hey mom, I got drafted and I’m going to America…No more crappy Healthcare….errr..crap..I got drafted by Canada. Upside: Tallness, you can’t teach it. Downside: Another guy with a terrible name. Not gonna sell alot of Bargnani dogs at the old ballpark.

Timeout - I pledge to never drink another Sprite again.

Ok, most of my basketball predictions have been wrong, but this is a sure bet. Isiah Thomas will be canned before the 2007 Basketball season. The Knicks are starting to look like the Yankees - without all the championships and good players of course. Forget “Days of our lives” or “Another World”, the 2006 Knicks are going to be a the soap opera to watch this fall. I was checking out the roster salaries and found that in 2006 the Knicks paid three players, Allan Houston (retired - 2nd highest paid player in the league behind Shaq), Jerome Williams (released), and Shannon Anderson (released) as much as the entire Charlotte Bobcats roster (roughly 33 mil). Oh yeah, the Bobcats went 3-0 against the Knicks this year.

PS - The Knicks also paid Anfernee Hardaway roughly 16 mil in 2006 - the twelfth highest paid player in the league. Anfernee played in 4 games averaging 2.5 ppg.

The Knicks are looking to sign John Koncak, Tony Mandarich, and Bruce Sutter in the offseason.

How Dallas blew this series I’ll never know. They made alot of mistakes and it is my opinion that if they had prevented just one of them, they would be the ones celebrating. The 13 point lead with six minutes to go collapse in game three, the Stackhouse suspension, the Josh Howard timeout or phantom Wade foul in game five, or the no call backcourt violation. If any of these mistakes would have been prevented its a Dallas championship. All that aside however, I am pinning it on Dirk. I love Dirk, he’s a 7 footer who can take guards off the dribble. He was a legitimate MVP canditate for the regular season, and he was Dallas’s number one option on offense. But…somewhere between Game 7 against San Antonio in the Division semifinals and the championship, he forgot how to drive. And that is what was making their playoff run so special. He is virtually unstoppable when he has the inside and outside games going. Unstoppable - big men can’t guard him off the drible and he shoots over guards from the outside. He’s a mismatch before the game starts. But Miami made him one dimensional. I don’t know if he was hurt, lacked confidence, or just forgot to drive the lane (doubtful with Avery in the background), but he did and it cost him. In crunch time against San Antonio he was going for broke on every possession. He’d either get the bucket or get fouled. Against Miami, it seemed all Dirk did in the forth quarter was loft 25 footers.

With Miami winning, all the radio shows and sports writers seemed to gush over Dwayne Wades performance. Don’t get me wrong, I think the guy is awesome and he put together a Jordan like performance during the post season, but where is the Shaq love? Sure hes past his prime, but he opens the floor up for everyone. He makes everyone significantly better. Since he has been in the league, every shooting guard he’s ever played with has seen their stock sky rocket. Penny was being compared to Magic. Heck, Nike was even throwing him some major love (remember little penny). Then in L.A., Kobe became the air apparent. Now, in Miami, its Wade who is drawing all the comparisons to number 23. Is it a coincidence that Shaq just keeps getting lucky enough to play with these guys, or the other way around. I think its definitely the other way around. They are all good to great, but give the diesel some love.

Finally, I think Cuban needs to stay on the treadmill a little longer before the games. Apparently he gets on it prior to tipoff to take the edge off. From the look on that guys face after game five, he probably never should have gotten off the treadmill. He’s bonkers. My guess is hes a guy that you both love and hate to work for.

Is it me, or does Eric Dampier look as if he is in a never ending concused state?

I’m not a Knicks fan and the last time they really mattered, John Starks was dunking a game winner over Jordan and Grant in the 1993 playoffs. However, what are the Knicks thinking right now? The rumor is they are considering buying out Larry Brown’s 40 million dollar contract after just one season and having Isiah Thomas return to the sidelines. I gotta say that if that happens, someone needs to have the Knicks owner Jim Dolan pee in a cup. Its his and Isiahs fault that the Knicks suck so bad to begin with. Who builds a team around Marbury (aka Starbury)? Marbury, as good as he thinks he is, has one career highlight - a bank shot game winner against the Spurs a few years ago in the playoffs, a series in which his Suns team lost. One career highlight…One… In sixty years my bet is that the average basketball historian will remember guys like Kelly Tripuka or John Koncak more readily than Starbury. With the wake this guy leaves behind each time he gets traded, he should be called Scarbury instead of Starbury (Just ask KG).

With respect to Isiah, he no doubt was a great player (I admit it and I couldn’t stand him), but his post playing days resume has been a train wreck. This guy has bombed everywhere. Then add perenial under achiever Steve Francis, its a text book recipe for disaster. If you are a Knick fan and you thought this year sucked, you haven’t seen anything yet. Exactly what kind of pie are they trying to bake in Madison Square Garden?

If Mr. Dolan is hell bent on dumping Brown, I think he should go for broke. Instead of buying out Larrys contract, trade him for Darius Miles. See if Rodman is still interested in playing. Appeal to the NBA big whigs to get the Birdman (Chris Andersen) back and in a Knicks uniform. I heard T.O. plays hoops too, give him a call.

velvet mantis….

P.S. I would like to thank the marketing guys over at Hanes for putting Kevin Bacon and Michael Jordan together in a commerical. Taking a quote from Captain Dude, I just threw up in my mouth a little.

P.P.S. I wouldn’t want to be Rasheed Wallace right about now.

I am sitting in a hotel room watching the 2005 NBA draft. Immediately I am happy to see that Atlanta did not get the opportunity to pick Bogut. I am a Hawks fan. Yes, I said the Hawks. Obviously pro basketball hasn’t been played in Hotlanta in almost a decade, so I have focused my cheering efforts for the Spurs (I was happy to see Duncan get a third championship since hes a low key guy that plain gets the job done.). Anyway, I digress. Why am I happy to to see the Bucks and not the Hawks get Bogut? Because I have suffered through too many slow lumbering big man draft picks by the Hawks. We are talking about guys like Koncak, Keefe, Rasmusean, and Volkoff (I realize that some of these guys were probably obtained via trades and not picks). So, instead of Bogut, who could turn out to be either the next Zydrunas Ilgauskas or the next Dwayne Shintzius (not really a big difference), they got Marvin Williams. Marvin is a can’t miss small forward who averaged 11 and 7 for the star packed NCAA champion Tarheels while coming off the pine. I am excited about this guy. He reminds me of the last great small forward to play for the Hawks - Danning Manning. He’s fluid, quick, and appears to have a good head on his shoulders - and he doesn’t have that pesky knee problem Danny was plagued with throughout his career. My only fear is that he’s a guy who has been a winner his whole life and as of this evening is a member of the worst franchise in professional basketball, maybe the worst franchise in sports.

Other draft notes:

1) Portland drafted the high schooler Martell Webster. I’m sure his parnets can’t wait for those good guys in Portland to start mentoring their son. I heard Damon Stoundamire has already hooked up Martell with a customized whizinator.

2) The Raptors picked Charles Villanueva. Everyone seemed to be puzzled by this pick. Not me. It is painfully obvious that Toronto wants to challenge Atlanta for the worst franchise in pro basketball.

3) Julius Hodge selected at number 20 by the Nuggets. Man, Denver just got even better. I didn’t know much about this guy before this year, but a coworker made me watch him play a couple of times. Hes the real deal, a pure freakin scorer. He reminds me of Lamar Odom prior to moving to the blocks. He can handle the ball, score in the lane, and hes got swagger. The Nuggets got some value with this pick and Julius, still somewhat of a raw talent, will only get better under Karl.

4) European parents are trigger happy with the letter K. It appeared that every European drafted had at least two K’s in their name.

5) R.C. Bufford is one of the 4400. I honestly feel asleep watching the dude get interviewed for five minutes. Bueller, Bueller, Bueller?

6) It was kind of uncomfortable watching the first round. The ESPN analyst didn’t hold back any punches when commenting on what they considered bad picks, all while the guy was not more than 20 feet away. “I’m right here dude!, I can hear you!”

7) After Chris Paul was drafted, Julius Hodge punched him in the package during his photo op. with David Stern (not true, but no one would have blamed Hodge if he woulda done it).

Garcia slips to Sac town. This guys peaks out in both skill and desire. How he slipped to 23 I will never know.

Oh well. I am going to bed. We just got Salim - another good pick. Again, we probably woulda picked David Lee but the NY saved us just in the Knick of time. By the way, when the NY pick was announced it looked like someone punched Spike Lee in the package - Julius Hodge maybe?

Farewell Reggie Miller. He may not be remembered as one of the all time greats. He wasn’t a great defender. He didn’t play above the rim. And, he never won an NBA championship. However, the mark he leaves on the NBA is immutable. In an era where players dominated games from above the rim, Reggie destroyed his opponents from the outside. He made just under 24 feet look like a layup. For me personnally, there is no one, sans the greatest (23), that raised their game more than Reggie when it counted (Just ask any Knick fan). And just like other clutch guys like Jordan and Horry of my era who excelled individually when it counted, Reggie was a team guy first and foremost. His critics say he doesn’t deserve to be enshrined with greats, that Reggie was simply just the next “Andrew Toney”. But his fans, of which I am one, have 25,279 reasons why he should be in the hall.

Reggie Reggie Reggie Reggie……