bUGLYbLOG

It is fair to say that I was pretty much the opposite of “right on” with my 2005 NBA Draft predictions. However, I ain’t going to let it keep me down. I mean, lets be honest, most of my visitors could give a crap about basketball (does most imply that there are more than 0 visitors?). I am guessing that if you somehow wind up here its because you either a) were expecting porn or b) mistyped the url you were attempting to visit. Anyway, on to the draft coverage.

Adam Morrison was selected at number 3.

Thats basically it. This draft was about as exciting as a bag of corn. To be honest, I had some pretty good corn yesterday (part of my first “low country broil” experience) so I might be slighting corn a bit in that comparison.

First off, thanks Atlanta (5th pick). Nothing against Sheldon Williams, but its just a boring pick. It felt like a “debbie downer” moment when Stern announced our selection. I just can’t get excited rebounds and post play. It’s like your favorite football team selecting an offensive lineman in the first round. Give me some excitement. Too bad it isn’t 1987, 1998, 2003 (5th picks 1987 - Scottie Pippen, 1998 - Vince Carter, 2005 - Dwayne Wade). Hopefully its not like the 1985 draft (Hawks 5th pick - John Koncak) Upside: Can make the name “Hen Slod” out of his first name. Downside: Will have to get used to losing.

The Knicks selected Renaldo Balkman with their first pick. As an SEC basketball fan, I got to see this guy play a few times. He’s good, but he’s not gonna save I.T.’s job. Someone on ESPN said Balkman’s a combo of Dennis Rodman and Ron Artest. That is exactly what the Knicks need - another character guys. With that said, the comparison wasn’t based, I don’t believe, on his character or lack there of, but on his effort. He is an effort guy, no doubt about it. But I can’t see a guy who averaged 10 points a game turn around a franchise in the state of demise the Knicks are currently experiencing. With guys like “Scarbury” and “Don’t call me Francis” firing up bricks, he will have plenty of chances to do his best Rodman impersonation. Upside: Will immediately improve the hair quality of the Knicks. Downside: Selected by the Knicks.

The Knicks second pick was Marty Collins of Temple. Long pause. I have no idea who this guy is, but judging by Spike Lee’s reaction, I’m guessing he’s no Willis Reed. Greg Anthony and Stephen A. Smith said he was a good pick at 29, so who knows. Upside: ??? Downside: His name is Marty.

The Suns traded their pick for cash. Pure genius. Probably the best decision made the entire night. Captain Obvious says that this entire draft sucks and the Suns would have accepted a bag of corn for the rights to their pick.

The Blazers at 30 picked Joel Freeland - 6′10 - England. Downside: Sucks at Basketball. Upside: Possibly good at Canasta.

Oh yeah, forgot to mention Andrea Bargnani - the 6′10 center from Italy who went numero uno. Hey mom, I got drafted and I’m going to America…No more crappy Healthcare….errr..crap..I got drafted by Canada. Upside: Tallness, you can’t teach it. Downside: Another guy with a terrible name. Not gonna sell alot of Bargnani dogs at the old ballpark.

Timeout - I pledge to never drink another Sprite again.

Ok, most of my basketball predictions have been wrong, but this is a sure bet. Isiah Thomas will be canned before the 2007 Basketball season. The Knicks are starting to look like the Yankees - without all the championships and good players of course. Forget “Days of our lives” or “Another World”, the 2006 Knicks are going to be a the soap opera to watch this fall. I was checking out the roster salaries and found that in 2006 the Knicks paid three players, Allan Houston (retired - 2nd highest paid player in the league behind Shaq), Jerome Williams (released), and Shannon Anderson (released) as much as the entire Charlotte Bobcats roster (roughly 33 mil). Oh yeah, the Bobcats went 3-0 against the Knicks this year.

PS - The Knicks also paid Anfernee Hardaway roughly 16 mil in 2006 - the twelfth highest paid player in the league. Anfernee played in 4 games averaging 2.5 ppg.

The Knicks are looking to sign John Koncak, Tony Mandarich, and Bruce Sutter in the offseason.

Last Wednesday I was talking to Ronaldo during our weekly ping-pong match in my basement and I was like “Dude, whats the deal? You’re playing like crap and to be honest, you’ve kinda turned into a fatass. And whats the deal with that performance you apparently mailed in against Croatia. All I’m saying is look alive out there and skip the double whoppers on game day.” Anyway, he was kinda pissed, but we’ve been buds for a while, so he didn’t go coconut’s or anything. At this point though I thought I mighta hurt his feelings a bit so I says, Ronaldo, if you win this game I will run through my neighborhood in just my Buck Rogers underoos. Now, I was prepared to do it because I wanted to cheer my buddy up and hell, he had a game against Japan in a couple days. He laughed and we got the match on. However, depsite all my efforts, I could not throw the game. Bottom line, Ronalda sucks at ping-pong. I have a feeling that if Nike knew this before the 2000 Worldcup, they never woulda put that big dollar endorsement package together for him. Anyway, he sucks. How many times can a dude serve it into the net? How can a guy with such awesome worldclass footwork be so unskilled with his arms and hands? Its like I was playing a guy with prosthetic arms. He couldn’t volley to save his life. Good thing hes a soccer player..Anyway, back to the story. When the bet was made, I said - knowing of course I was going to throw the game - that if I won, he would have to score two goals against Japan. Well folks, the rest is history.

P.S. Member of Ronaldos family - please, please, do not get the dude any kind of wood working tools, ever.

Quite frequently when I am surfing the Internet, I’ll run across a website that has a google search bar right in the html (for instance - www.just-teddy.com). Everytime I see one, I always try and stay clear. Now, nothing against just-teddy’s blog as he is a trust worthy dude to some extent, but I won’t use the search bar just out of habit. The reason is I don’t know whats going on behind the scenes. Let me give you an example. Let’s say I’m reading some story on Teddy’s website about, oh I don’t know, him eating four bags of pork rinds and drinking a 12 pack of Zima. Well, lets say that it reminds me that I need to check and see if the money from my recent photo shoot at Handsome Kung Fu Body Builders Mag has hit my paypal account yet. Instead of typing in the url in my browser, I type paypal in his google search bar. What’s to say that little so called helpful search bar doesn’t send me to fake google page with a paypal link at the very top. And lets say when I hit the paypal link it also redirects me to a fake paypal site where I enter my credentials. Well, instead of being helpful, a visit to www.just-teddy.com has not only made me nauseous, but its probably cost me some cashola. My advice, just go to google.com directly, or use my cool new browser with its included search bar. Trust me :)……

The needle’s in the groove and the vinyl’s on the platter
I know that I’m fly man there’s no need to flatter

Five things that would make this world better….

1). Restaurants to add Cream Soda to their list of beverages.

2). NBA officials to call each and every walk.

3). All mesh lining to be removed from the inside of swimming trunks.

4). Teddy from Just-Teddy to be required to wear a shirt at all times while on the job.

5). Vending machine operators to pay $1,000,000 fine for stocking stale pop tarts in their machines.

How Dallas blew this series I’ll never know. They made alot of mistakes and it is my opinion that if they had prevented just one of them, they would be the ones celebrating. The 13 point lead with six minutes to go collapse in game three, the Stackhouse suspension, the Josh Howard timeout or phantom Wade foul in game five, or the no call backcourt violation. If any of these mistakes would have been prevented its a Dallas championship. All that aside however, I am pinning it on Dirk. I love Dirk, he’s a 7 footer who can take guards off the dribble. He was a legitimate MVP canditate for the regular season, and he was Dallas’s number one option on offense. But…somewhere between Game 7 against San Antonio in the Division semifinals and the championship, he forgot how to drive. And that is what was making their playoff run so special. He is virtually unstoppable when he has the inside and outside games going. Unstoppable - big men can’t guard him off the drible and he shoots over guards from the outside. He’s a mismatch before the game starts. But Miami made him one dimensional. I don’t know if he was hurt, lacked confidence, or just forgot to drive the lane (doubtful with Avery in the background), but he did and it cost him. In crunch time against San Antonio he was going for broke on every possession. He’d either get the bucket or get fouled. Against Miami, it seemed all Dirk did in the forth quarter was loft 25 footers.

With Miami winning, all the radio shows and sports writers seemed to gush over Dwayne Wades performance. Don’t get me wrong, I think the guy is awesome and he put together a Jordan like performance during the post season, but where is the Shaq love? Sure hes past his prime, but he opens the floor up for everyone. He makes everyone significantly better. Since he has been in the league, every shooting guard he’s ever played with has seen their stock sky rocket. Penny was being compared to Magic. Heck, Nike was even throwing him some major love (remember little penny). Then in L.A., Kobe became the air apparent. Now, in Miami, its Wade who is drawing all the comparisons to number 23. Is it a coincidence that Shaq just keeps getting lucky enough to play with these guys, or the other way around. I think its definitely the other way around. They are all good to great, but give the diesel some love.

Finally, I think Cuban needs to stay on the treadmill a little longer before the games. Apparently he gets on it prior to tipoff to take the edge off. From the look on that guys face after game five, he probably never should have gotten off the treadmill. He’s bonkers. My guess is hes a guy that you both love and hate to work for.

Is it me, or does Eric Dampier look as if he is in a never ending concused state?