bUGLYbLOG

I went to the movies this past weekend and saw “Zodiac”. I wanted to see “Wild Hogs”, but it was sold out almost an hour before show time. Something that was surprising to me was that “Wild Hogs” appeared to attract a significant portion of Knoxville’s motorcycle dudes. I never knew they, the motorcycle dudes, were so punctual. Anyway, when I got there I decided to get some Skittles and a Coke (in case your asking, I am in peak physical shape - I take my pong seriously folks). You’ve seen movie candy. It always comes in some huge box. Unless its your first time purchasing movie candy, you know the big box is just a ruse.

The first time I got shafted by the illusion of the big box, I think I was probably 9 or 10. It was at the Grove Center Theater in Oak Ridge. For the next ten years I made a point to stop by the gas station next door and get my candy before any movie trips (my buddy Jack’s step brother got nailed for trying to bring a 20oz coke into the place, they actually patted him down as he tried to enter.) Well, now I am an adult and my wife thinks smuggling candy into the theater is obnoxious, not smart or crafty (the words I use to describe it). Getting to the point… I decided to have a candy-off. I wanted to basically perform an analysis between movie candy and their gas station counterparts. Lets get started…..

Example A - Movie Skittles (4 Bucks, ~170 Skittles, Tasty)

Example B - Gas Station Skittles (79 cents, ~92 Skittles, also Tasty)

Example C. Empty Sugar Babies Bag - Not Really Relevant but I like Sugar Babies

This concludes my in depth analysis. Yep, thats it. Just some pictures. To be honest, I got kinda bored after I took the pictures. I was actually getting bored taking the pictures. I actually did count the Skittles in each package, but I forgot to write the totals down. Again, b/c it was boring. I have since eaten all the Skittles. My dog helped. My dog likes Skittles. My wife does not like my dog to have Skittles on the carpet. I forgot this piece of information. I told my wife I had no clue why there was a rainbow of colors on our bonus rooms carpet. I don’t think she believed me. I continued to deny my involvement. She had no real proof until I told her I gave our dog some Skittles (I forgot I was trying to hide this information - and I thought it was a cute anecdote to share with her). I am not allowed to give Skittles to the dog anymore. I am also not allowed to pull my pants up real high and mimic the guy’s voice from the movie Sling Blade. That isn’t really related to this story.

I finished it….finally.. Anyway, here it is. It’s a table/bookshelf and is composed of three separate pieces. The table top rests on top of two bookshelves. I used some crappy pine (and I mean crappy - finding a piece that wasn’t warped or chewed up was more difficult than building the damn thing) from my local Home Depot. I built the pieces individually, then slapped some stain and polyurethane on each piece to finish the job. Its far from perfect - but it works great and is very sturdy.

Whenever I go to one of those sit down restaurants where you have to get your own soda (i.e. where they just give you an empty cup), I always struggle with choosing a lid. That is because whenever you select a lid, in most cases you have to touch 3 or 4 others. Obviously my problem isn’t with the lids I touch, but the lids others have touched before me. I always picture some guy with lepracy and a bad sinus infection fumbling through the pile of lids minutes before I pick mine out. I think this will one day force me to give up all beverages.

I went to the grocery store this evening to get milk and some cat litter. When it comes to cat litter, I make my decision based on one factor only, price. Which ever one is the cheapest is the one I come home with. I never even look at the label or the particular brands features. Honestly, it could be shards of radioactive glass in a plastic tub and I wouldn’t know till it came time to fill up the box again. Tonight, however, I did take a peek at the label as I picked it up to put it in my shopping cart. It was called Kitty Pride cat litter. I find it ironic that the cheapest cat litter has the word pride in its name.

So, Captain America is dead. I’ll tell you, I never really was a comic book kid growing up - too much reading was involved to get me interested. I did collect Usagi Yojimbo for a bit and occassionally I would grab an Iron Man (just thought his armor was cool looking) or Groo the Wanderer. As for Spidey, Hulk, or Captain America though, they just never appealled to me. I find it strange that this Captain America thing is such a huge deal. His death was covered on MSNBC for goodness sake (I probably shouldn’t be too surprised, there isn’t a day that goes by where there isn’t a story about Anna Nicole Smith’s death). Reading some of reactions on the various webzines has proved to be entertaining though. Here is my favorite comment (posted by Mr. Designer on Wired’s “Marval Comics Feel My Wrath!” comment section):

“I’m glad he is dead. Even when I was young I thought Captain America was a boring douche bag. ”

Priceless.

After lunch today I had to go over to the local bookstore and pick up a book for my job (Gorilla Suit: My Adventures in Body Building by Bob Paris). I walked in, made my selection, and proceeded to the checkout counter. Just as I was walking out, an old lady walked in and attempted to get the attention of one of the bookstores’ employees. Here is the conversation that took place between the two:

Old Lady: Excuse me mam…

Bookstore Clerk: (Turns around)

Old Lady: Oh, I’m sorry, Sir…

Bookstore Clerk: You had it right the first time.

Let’s dissect this. The old lady begins the conversation with a simple “Excuse me mam”. As the clerk turns around to assist, the old lady, thinking she had made a mistake with regard to the clerks gender, attempts to apologize with a “Oh, sorry, Sir”. At this point the clerk advises that the old lady “had it right the first time”. All of this taking place in front of me and three of my coworkers that were in tow. So, not only has this clerk been accosted by way of gender misclassification by the old lady, she was done so in front of four witnesses. Now heres the cherry on top, the clerk still had to help the old lady with what ever she was needing in the first place.

Not necessarily as interesting as the story above, but I also found out they have a bathroom at the Radio Shack where I live. Why is this? The Radio Shack store sells things like batteries and transducers, why do they need a bathroom. Don’t give me any of the crap like “where are the dudes who work there supposed to go to the can?”. The bagel shop next store, that’s where. Anyway, I was there to buy a new soldering iron since my buddy Doodle broke mine and lost my solder. Just as I was bending, at the knees, to grab some high tech silver bearing solder, one of the Radio Shack employees came shooting out of the bathroom, which to my surprise, was right behind me. The door hit me in the keister and nearly pushed me into a stack of Digital Soldering Stations with Detachable Stands. As the guy came out he immediately went to his manager to talk about…well..hmmm.. I wasn’t sure. All I heard was his manager telling the guy he couldn’t go home but that was sorry he was feeling bad.

Well guess who rang up my purchase? Yep, the sick guy. So, in addition to my new soldering iron and solder, Radio Shack attempted to throw in a case of the stomach flu.

Well, its the Friday before UFC 68, The Uprising. I am pumped up! I haven’t been this pumped since earlier today when I jetted from work after lunch. Actually, around 6 o’clock this evening I was also equally pumped when I discovered a can of mini ravioli in my pantry. On to the predictions:

Rex Holman vs. Matt Hamill - I am pulling for Matt here, but his last performance was pretty bad. I know nothing about Rex Holman except that he’s buddies with Sean Salmon. Hopefully Sean didn’t give him any tips on defending a head kick. Even if he did, I don’t see Hamill launching any kicks to the noggin. This one goes the distance. Hamill in a split decision

Renato Sobral vs Jason Lambert - I say Sobral all the way. Unless he suddenly develops Wanderlei Silva’s propensity for getting knocked out, I think he will walk through Lambert. By the way, the UFC needs to put some marketing behind Babalou. He’s the real deal. Sure, he got knocked out by Chuck, but that was a bad matchup for the guy and Chuck was and is still the champ. After he walks through Lambert, how bout a lining him up against Tito, Evans or the Dean of Mean? Sobral in a 2nd round submission

Matt Hughes vs. Chris Lytle - Lytle got robbed in his bout against Serra. Does anyone know if the UFC used real judges for the TUF finally, or was it some UFC flunkies? Oh well, Hughes is going to hurt Lytle. Not a good matchup for Lytle. Lytle can’t expose Hughes with strikes like George did, and Hughes will win the ground battle decidedly. Hughes in a 2nd round TKO

Rich Franklin vs. Jason Macdonald - This is the second most interesting bout of the night. Rich got his nose pushed into his cranium by the Spider in his last fight. It was probably one of the most one sided title fights I have ever seen. So, how will he respond coming of the loss? Well, lets look at what happened to the Axe Murderer last week at Pride 33. He was coming off a brutal KO from the hands (actually leg) of CroCop and he proceeded to get knocked out again. I am picking the upset - Macdonald in a 3rd round submission

Tim Sylvia vs. The Natural - Hmmmmm. I did not want to see this fight happen. Randy is just too old and Tim is a big big man. Now that its a done deal and going to happen, I think Sylvia is going to walk through Couture. He’s just too big. At the weigh in earlier today I think the dude had 40 pounds on Randy. Sylvia in a 2nd round KO

outtie.

bUGLYbLOG’s free advice for the professional man..

• My last job was downtown. One night after work one of my coworkers, lets call him Mark (completely made up of course), decided to hit the bar down the street before heading home for the night. After probably a few more drinks than he originally planned for, Mark was back at the office alone, and hungry. To make a long story short, he found a turkey sandwich in the company frig and ate it. It wasn’t his sandwich. Being a little drunk, he thought it would be funny to construct a letter from a fictional character called the “sandwich fairy” and place it in the empty sandwich bag. When I arrived the next morning, unaware of Mark’s actions from the previous night, crap had already started to hit the fan. The owner of the sandwich, a lady in her mid forties, was nearly in tears as she reported the incident to the branch manager. Apparently her husband had made the sandwich for her as an expression of his love. She, just as everyone else in the branch, knew that Mark had done it. The branch manager, who also knew without question that Mark had done it, confronted him and asked if he had eaten the sandwich. Mark said no. He never caved. Never even floundered for a moment. I think he even tried to appear appalled with the accusation. This was the least perfect crime ever. A couple days later I asked him about the incident. He mentioned that it was a pretty good sandwich. It’s never a good idea to try and cover up eating a co-workers sandwich by leaving a letter in empty bag signed by the sandwich fairy. It is, however, a good idea to deny you ate it even when everyone in the office knows that you did.

bUGLYbLOG recommended tunes for the week…

• Meds by Placebo - I picked up the Meds CD this week from my local Best Buy. I got the version with the three bonus tracks, which also happened to be cheaper than the one without the bonus tracks. This is one of those CD’s that you can play beginning to end and be satisfied. I have some favorites, like “Because I Want You“, “Infra-red“, and “Meds“, but the whole album is great. Even the bonus track “Running Up That Hill” is great.

bUGLYbLOG sports desk update…

• How bout the Vols! We are 16-0 at home for the first time since 1975-76, we have a player of the year candidate in Chris Lofton, we are essentially guaranteed a trip to the big dance, and we have only one senior. Aren’t we a football school?
• There are some boxers that may have used some steroids. Get outta here…
• I still have four years of eligibility left - let the bidding begin.